THIS MORNING MY ADULT SON ASKED ME: “WHY DO SOME PEOPLE IN THEIR 30s STILL LIVE IN ‘TEENAGED DRAMA’?”

 

THIS MORNING MY ADULT SON ASKED ME: “WHY DO SOME PEOPLE IN THEIR 30s STILL LIVE IN ‘TEENAGED DRAMA’?”

 

https://www.jlorennorris.com/podcast/dont-be-fooled-maturity-does-not-come-with-age-by-j-loren-norris?ct=t(BLOG_feed_to_ell)&mc_cid=81943d4809&mc_eid=39cb1b893f

 

    “”The effect of DRAMA, such as emotionally charged conversations, narcissistic behavior and psychological manipulation brings some sense of control and meaning back to the manufacturer of the drama.” J Loren Norris

 

·         What is it about DRAMA at any age that attracts people?

 

·         Why do some people seem so inclined to DRAMA, they will create it when there is none?

 

·         Why do some people seem to thrive in DRAMA laced situations, circumstances and even relationships?

 

In the video I mention the ideas my son expressed as possible reasons. There my be some truth in them. Additionally, however, let me add a few thoughts of my own experience and research.

 

Many people, leaders and otherwise are still struggling with their own identity, meaning and purpose in life and the innate desire to be and feel significant.

 

When your life intersects with someone else and you cannot observe any impact on them whatsoever created by your presence, the emotional sense of inadequacy and obscurity will begin to eat away at your internal confidence level like termites in your hope chest. (I know, I spent a decade or more of my life living there.)

 

The effect of DRAMA, such as emotionally charged conversations, narcissistic behavior and psychological manipulation brings some sense of control and meaning back to the manufacturer of the drama.

 

How do we know? Because a two or three year old who throws themself on the floor in the grocery isle or screams “you don’t even love me” in order to get their way, is EXERCISING THE SAME TACTICS.

 

When someone has reached the age of maturity yet continues to exhibit the same emotionally manipulative activity to gain or maintain “relevance “ and control over someone else, they demonstrate a lack of maturity and self awareness.

 

This is sadly COMMON among leaders, or at least those who SEEK to be leaders. Those who crave power, title, control, influence and yet remain immature in their own issues are a danger to any organization.

 

They will often seek to acquire titles, accolades, acclaim, even infamy to demonstrate their significance. They will often pursue this recognition OUTSIDE OF THE ORGANIZATION with the hopes that their influence within the organization will be the beneficiary.

 

If you find yourself prone to drama, stop and ask yourself WHY? Why am I comfortable with this level of emotion and anxiety? Do I seek out relationships which perpetuate this state of being? Do I manufacture drama where there is none? Do I prefer chaos over peace? If you answer any of these questions in the affirmative GET A COACH OR COUNSELLOR NOW before you do irreparable damage to your career, your reputation, yourself or someone you truly care about.

 

 

 

LEADERS MUST DISAGREE AGREEABLY TO GROW INFLUENCE by J Loren Norris

 

https://www.jlorennorris.com/podcast/leaders-must-disagree-agreeably-to-grow-influence-by-j-loren-norris?ct=t(BLOG_feed_to_ell)&mc_cid=81943d4809&mc_eid=39cb1b893f

 

·         CAN YOU DISAGREE AGREEABLE?

 

·         CAN YOU MAKE A CONSTRUCTIVE COUNTER POINT WITHOUT NAME CALLING?

 

·         IF NOT, LEADING WILL BE DIFFICULT.

 

“Never argue with an idiot. They’ll simply drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.” ~ Mark Twain

 

There are many ways to get your point across. There are many platforms, mediums and media tools today which did not exist when I began studying and teaching leadership and communication.

 

No one had yet imagined TikTok, Facebook, SnapChat, LinkedIn, et al. In fact, the “Internet” as we know it did not exist when I got out of the military and began my journey. I wrote the first 500 pages of ideas by hand, i still have the journals. The next 500 on a type writer. The next 500 on a computer with no internal memory - then along came word processing and 10TB back up hard drives.

 

I know, its like “walking in the snow to school, uphill, both ways.”

 

However, the ease with which people can communicate, express themselves, vent, discuss, debate and out right argue, GLOBALLY has changed the fervor of dialogue and the magnitude of disagreement.

 

As a leader, at any level, the words we use and choose are significant. The actions, attitude and behavior behind those words are equally impactful. With cameras everywhere, search histories and the “way back machine” accessible to any would be rival, its not just what you think and say TODAY which matters, but everything you have ever thought and then said aloud.

 

If you cannot consider the dignity, value and worth of another HUMAN WITH WHOM YOU DISAGREE, you will find yourself quickly in a shouting match of egos. Someone will record it, broadcast it and put it on repeat. Haters will DOX you and your reputation score along with your INFLUENCE will be toast in a matter of hours. EVEN IF THEY BAITED YOU into the argument... and they will.

 

If you want to LEAD in this world of global access media handled equally by pro’s and wannabes - guard your heart, your words and your actions at all times. OH and BE AUTHENTIC at the same time.

 

Who else is experiencing death by INTERVIEW on social media?

 

https://www.jlorennorris.com/podcast/who-else-is-experiencing-death-by-interview-on-social-media?ct=t(BLOG_feed_to_ell)&mc_cid=81943d4809&mc_eid=39cb1b893f

 

    There are great interviewers in the podcast realm. Hosts such as #JoeRogan #LewisHowes #TomBilyeu #GaryV - BUT GOOD LUCK getting to be a guest on their show unless you’re already FAMOUS!!

 

You know the ones with shaky, quaky, dimly lit video. Interviews with the host and the guest squished side by side video images in two different boxes. Both have different qualities and neither of them paying attention while the other one is talking. If the audio is good, the image includes both participants in full head gear or mics blocking their faces. If you’re the guest and you get lucky enough to “get in the studio” for great video and audio quality, the host/ producer asks for as much as $5,000 to have access to the footage....

 

WHERE THE HOST/ INTERVIEWER:

 

·         Knows little to nothing about the topic...

 

·         Has done no homework on the guest...

 

·         Can hardly string together back to back coherent thoughts...

 

·         Seems so “star struck” and sycophantic there really is nothing NEW to learn...

 

WHERE THE GUEST:

 

·         Has no unique or stimulating thoughts...

 

·         Avoids challenging questions like the plague...

 

·         Feigns earth shattering revalations...

 

·         Has an agenda to sell you something, sign you up or win you over...

 

There are great interviewers in the podcast realm. Hosts such as #JoeRogan #LewisHowes #TomBilyeu #GaryV - BUT GOOD LUCK getting to be a guest on their show unless you’re already FAMOUS!!

 

PROFESSIONAL HOSTS:

 

·         Do their homework on guest and topic

 

·         Ask challenging and thought provoking questions of curiosity and public interest

 

·         Who treat their guest and audience with respect (not infatuation)

 

·         Who collaborate in thought, brainstorming and masterminding with the guest as well as the audience

 

Next question...

 

·         What if you didn’t have to “go to the studio”?

 

·         What if you didn’t have to surrender a room in your home or office as a temporary studio?

 

·         What if good light, good video, good audio and live streaming CAME TO YOU?

 

·         What if you could walk in/ be expertly interviewed and walk out in less than 1 hour?

 

·         What if you could get footage for your own use later?

 

·         What would that be worth to you?

 

WHAT IT IS VS WHAT YOU CALL IT - DECEIT OR IGNORANCE by J Loren Norris

 

https://www.jlorennorris.com/podcast/what-it-is-vs-what-you-call-it-deceit-or-ignorance-by-j-loren-norris?ct=t(BLOG_feed_to_ell)&mc_cid=81943d4809&mc_eid=39cb1b893f

 

    “So many issues, challenges, disagreements, arguments, divisions and debates are driven by differences in understanding. We call it a communication gap. What if that gap is intentionally being created by the misappropriation of meaning?” J Loren Norris

 

·         PERHAPS ITS CODE.

 

·         PERHAPS IS MANIPULATION.

 

·         PERHAPS ITS DECEIT.

 

·         PERHAPS ITS IGNORANCE.

 

So many issues, challenges, disagreements, arguments, divisions and debates are driven by differences in understanding. We call it a communication gap. What if that gap is intentionally being created by the misappropriation of meaning?

 

Its one thing to “misuse” a word. I have done it. To speak a word in a conversation with a specific meaning in mind only to find out later, that is not what it means. It’s embarrassing!

 

Its a whole different thing to alter the meaning of a word or phrase for the purpose of changing and transforming world views based on an intentional reshaping of the argument.

 

If I cannot agree that propaganda is real, then how will you ever convince me the use of it is harmful?

 

The redefining of THINGS, their labels, their purposes and their meanings is a tactic as old as humanity. The pervasiveness of this tactic has grown exponentially in recent decades due to the popular permeation of tools such as the media employs to communicate. From broadcasting to smart devices, the ability to speak “one to one” with people who are isolated from those who might argue the point has become much simpler. A whispered lie is hard to refute.

 

As a leadership and communications coach, it is baffling when I sit in on a team meeting or conversation and listen to people discuss, debate or argue a point. Often, both sides are closer to agreement than they realize. The real challenge is semantics or misplaced meanings.

 

“I heard you say... which tells me...” then emotions and attitudes come into play. The other persons often responds, “How did you get THAT out of what I said? I am offended that you think... by the way you responded.”

 

As an observer, I see and hear both sides of the conversation. I often understand the communication problem is less about personalities and disagreements and more often about the application level of linguistics (MISAPPROPRIATED MEANINGS).

 

PERSON ONE used the word... which means... and PERSON TWO took it to mean... and now they’re BOTH mad because they took a meaning from what PERSON ONE DID NOT SAY and that is the root of the argument.

 

Dr. John Maxwell says something to the effect, Academics take something simple and make it complicated to prove they’re smarter. Communicators take something complicated and explain it in simple ways so everyone is a bit smarter.

 

Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Or practice silence.