Nicki Cruz

Nicki   I was about three blocks down the street when I heard the sound of the trumpets, so I started running with my gun, and stood there watching everything. Then this man opened a Bible and began to preach about God. He began to say that God has power to change the course of mankind, that God meant us to be happy, and that He can change us. And when he said that, I got offended and stepped out of the crowd, and I told this man, "You, shut up! Do not open your mouth anymore! If you say anything, you will drop dead. This is no God power here, man! This is ghetto power! This is man power, and this is gang power! And there is no way that God has power to change anybody and only the toughest will make it. The weak are going to perish; they're never going to make it." I told this man, "You get out of here, and do not come around this neighborhood." I told my gang, "Do not listen to this guy! Do not listen to him! This guy is a fanatic. He is a phony. This guy is a communist!"

   I did not know what a communist was, but that is what I told them that moment. I told my gang, “You want to have a good time? You want to have a good time? I give you the good time. Let us go down to this basement and smoke some grass or some marijuana, sip some wine, drop some pills, dance for a while, have a chick, and you going to feel better. But this guy, he is nothing. This guy is crazy."

   I took my gang. So we went down to this basement. We put the music, you know? Fifteen minutes later, David Wilkinson opened the door without permission. He just walked in! He didn’t take the message, you know? And the first thing he says is, "Where is Nicki as if he knew me for a long time?” One of my boys turned the light on, and I was standing there. I put my gun to one side and I told him "I am Nicki, what do you want?” man?" he told me, "I want to be your friend." I said, "I do not want to be your friend". He started walking towards me, so I say, "You better stay right there. If you take any steps, I am going to take my gun and blow your head off.”

   Wilkinson hesitated for a moment, but he didn't stop, and then Wilkinson, he was a skinny man. He started walking right towards me. When he got to meet me, he told me "Come on, Nicki, shake my hand." And I just turned around and I hit him. I grabbed him by his jacket and I spit on him. And in that moment, he cried and turn against the wall and I started cursing him. I used multiple profanities. I hit this man left and right, and then somebody guy grabbed me said, "Nicki, this is a priest! This is a minister; this man is not in a gang!" I said, "I do not care who he is!"

   And in that moment, when he walk like that, I turned around and I started walking towards the door, and when I tried to open the door, David Wilkinson yelled at me and said, "Nicki, before you leave this place, I going to tell you something." I told Nicki, “Jesus loves you." When David Wilkinson put his hands upon my head, he was crying and tears were coming out of his eyes.

   I looked at him, as he was praying. I had never heard anyone pray my entire life. But that was the most beautiful prayer that I had ever heard and was flabbergasted with his prayer. I was completely moved. When he said "Oh, God, for two weeks I have been praying for Nicki every day and every night! I’ve been hoping, wandering, praying, thinking, that he does not get killed, so that he can hear the gospel, so he can come to this crusade. And at this moment, God stirred Nicki, and he was challenged. There is no human power or personality that can change Nicki. There is no gimmick, and there is no magic. And oh, God, I am scared. But in this moment, I am going to ask you to come down and just touch Nicki's life and make a miracle come out of the darkness! Let him know that you love him as I told him, and you care, and you love him. He’s here that I have to believe that you can do that miracle!"

And when I heard this man praying in that way with a broken heart, I felt- I felt his heartbeat. I felt his vibration that was so strong. In that moment, I was confused. In that moment, I just want to cry for a hold on because of my pride. There is no way I was going to cry, because I promised myself that I would never cry again. The last time I cried, I was about eight years old, and that was the last time cried. And in that moment I just took David Wilkinson's hands and I pushed his hands away from me, and I pushed and I said "Get away from me!" I was under conviction; I did not know how to fight this whole thing.

   And in the same moment I just wanted to call my gang and say "Let us get out of here, let's split! This is not our place" And when I just turned around, I saw with my own eyes the greatest miracle that really touch me completely. When I just turned around to call my gang to split and get out of that place, there was Willie, the guy who told Dave Wilkinson “I don’t believe in God.” 

   Willie the cripple was full of hate and I didn’t know what happened to him. Willie was there on the floor. He was kneeling down, crying and crying and crying, without stopping. He couldn't pray, but I remember he tried the best he could. But the only thing he said "Jesus, Jesus", almost twenty or twenty-five times. "Help me, please!" And he got into his chest. Then there were these two tiny issues, and this guy was crying! I am talking about the worst cry. I am talking about the guy who was nothing but murder- I am talking about the criminal. I am talking about the toughest boys from the Mau Mau gang.

   I walked on to the stage, because I could not understand what’s happening. I shook him up, and I said, “What is the matter with you? He could hardly say anything. He was so broken and said, "Nicki, I gave my life to Jesus." At that moment, I said, "Oh God, I do not know if this is the true that You love me. Why did this man say that You love me? I am confused. I don’t know what the difference is between day and night, between summer and winter. I am lost. I can’t think straight. I lost my feelings and my identity. I don’t know. I cannot talk reality, so far away from me! But if You really love me like this man says that you love me, come, please, help me!”

   And then, just like that it came to me later as I was still kneeling down there. I felt the most beautiful, beautiful feeling in my life. I felt like a heavy burden was taken away from me, that guilt and right there, I started crying, laughing, laughing and crying. And I went to Dave Wilkinson, and I said "Dave, I know, I know, I know that Jesus loves me because I can feel it, I know he is here in my heart!" And the only thing that I can say, I am here because the love of Jesus Christ. Jesus is beautiful.

   He can really change your life if you let Him. Shall we pray? Now is the time Jesus for Nicki to walk down the aisle. Let the presence of the Holy Spirit reveal You. Take away every problem and minister the Miracle of Your salvation. Father take away our sins and make us free like a bird flying in the blue sky. Father fill this place with the beauty of Jesus. With thy perfect love, bless every human being here; fill him God of thy forgiveness. Don't let nobody leave this place with the scent of loneliness to spare, fear, and insecurity. Come down in this crowd, Holy Spirit, and bring them to Jesus.

Answering racism and violence with Christ:

Nicki's Hearing His Voice Testimony

Click on PDF and set the printer to print both sides in color using landscape and fold.