Proverbs 31:26
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She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
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A virtuous woman is known by wise and kind speech, while an odious woman is known by foolish and critical speech. Here is one of the most defining marks of good and bad women - how do they talk? A virtuous woman is always careful, discreet, and helpful with what she says. And she never says anything harsh, negative, or sarcastic.
King Lemuel's mother taught him how to find a great wife (31:1,10). The rule taught by this proverb is of great value for all men. Instead of looking at women, listen to them! Looking will deceive you by the temptation of their bodies and eyes (6:25; 31:30), but listening will more accurately reveal their character (14:7; Eccl 10:12-14; Matt 12:34-37).
A great woman worth marrying speaks wisely. She does not argue or give her opinion when it is not wanted. She does not respond emotionally. She does not cackle or laugh. She does not jest or poke. She does not complain or pout. She uses her mouth to spread wisdom to her children (1:8; 6:20). She does talk: she feeds many by sober answers with the certain words of truth (11:30; 22:17-21). She only makes a noise when it helps others.
An odious woman - the hated, repugnant woman - should never be married (30:21-23). She is a curse to the earth! She should be forced to live in isolated misery. Parents of young men should blacklist her from courting. Her constant contentions, nagging, and questions drive men and children crazy! So they run to the rooftop or wilderness to get away from her criticizing and irritating mouth (12:4; 19:13; 21:9,19; 25:24; 27:15-16).
How do you spot this hellish creature before it is too late? Listen, rather than look! She may do her hair and hold her weight to get you down the aisle. But she cannot control her mouth! Solomon said hiding her was as likely as hiding the wind or perfume (27:15-16). If she has an opinion without you asking for it, run! Remember the rule of 10! If she has to give her opinion before marriage, it will be 10 times worse later (30:21-23).
How do you spot this hellish creature before it is too late? Count her words. A woman of good understanding says little (17:27-28). She knows God has commanded and exalted a meek and quiet spirit for women, so she consistently works at being that (I Pet 3:3-4). If you even smell the loud and proud type, run! Life with an overbearing woman is worse than death! Why not volunteer to be a naked beekeeper, or a first year band instructor?
A great woman worth marrying is always gracious (11:16). Instead of a sarcastic and cutting tongue (12:18), she is known for gracious lips from a pure heart (22:11). Her graciousness cannot be hid - she will be highly esteemed and loved by all. A gracious woman is not haughty, distant, or froward; she is condescendingly courteous (Rom 12:16). She always has a good and gentle word that puts the whole world in a good light.
There is a law in her tongue - a law she never violates. She is always gentle, kind, patient, sweet, thoughtful, and respectful. In spite of her great personal diligence and accomplishment (31:10-25,27-29), she is still wise and kind in her speech. She does not know how to be critical, harsh, or impatient. Her delightful speech is a very wonderful thing (15:23; 24:26; 25:11). It is the sweetest music to a man's ears and heart!
Listen, young man! Follow your ears to prudent words spoken in gentle kindness! You are about to meet one of God's greatest gifts (18:22; 19:14). You have found a woman worth loving the rest of your life. Her mouth will be worth much more than kisses. It will be the source of daily gentleness to comfort you in sorrow, encourage you in distress, reward you for labor, seduce you in lovemaking, and ennoble you with sincere praise.
Christian woman, if anyone has even jested you might be choleric in temperament, you need more help than other women. You likely cannot even grasp this lesson, because your mouth has an overpowering urge to speak, to question, to debate, to correct, to nag, to criticize, to complain, and to jab. You do not even know the pain you cause others. You cannot resist talking. Even your kind speech has an edge that makes people cringe.
Take stock of yourself. Do noble friends crave your presence? Are you well liked by good people? If not, you likely have a sharp tongue and hurtful mouth. What can you do about this curse? Stop talking: let others ask for you to speak (17:27-28; Jas 1:19). Learn submission: let your husband give you your opinion (Gen 3:16). Esteem reverence: treat him like a lord (Eph 5:33; I Pet 3:6). Only say nice things, period (Col 4:6)!
Christian woman, it is your duty and privilege to rule your tongue for the glory of God and the praise of your delightful character. If you are older, you are to avoid false accusing and pursue teaching godly virtues (Titus 2:3). If you are younger, you are to avoid tattling and other indiscreet talking (I Tim 5:13). A wonderful reputation and the loving favor of others is a choice - an easy choice (22:1). Speak only wisely and kindly!
Parent, be sure to teach your daughters the importance of wise and gracious speech. It is more important than her academic education or physical attractiveness. It will bring the attention and honor of God and all good men. And it is your duty as well to teach your sons to esteem the girls with wise and kind speech over the attractive yappers. Consider, any time you see a husband henpecked by an ugly yapper, his parents were truly derelict.
The church of Christ, which is often compared to a virgin bride in Scripture, should be known for its wise and kind speech (Eph 4:29; Col 4:6). Whether you are a man or a woman in the church of Christ, your speech should be worthy of your glorious Husband!
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