Proverbs 31:23
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Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
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One measure of a woman is the reputation and status of her husband. When she knows her role and executes it well, he will have delightful children, a wonderful home, a growing estate, and a charming wife. Her faithfulness and productivity in domestic and outside pursuits will create the peace of mind and personal freedom that make men great. Others will respect him for his blessing and wisdom in marrying such a superior woman.
Of course, the man who marries an odious woman is also known, for he cannot hide the hellion he married (27:15-16; 30:21-23)! A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband, but a contentious woman shames her husband and rots his bones (12:4)! When his friends meet her, all they can see is the smelly pig wearing his wedding ring (11:22)! Many pity him for his pain, but others despise him for choosing her and putting up with her.
Business and legal matters were once settled at the city gate. Cities did not waste money on bureaucracy and costly buildings. Wise men met at the city's entrance, where they settled business conflicts, legal issues, and civic questions. They also established contracts and enforced the criminal code. It was a high honor, and it reflected business success and wisdom, for a man to sit in the gate. Fools were not allowed there (24:7).
This proverb is for women, not men! Do not get distracted by a wise man being known among the elite of his city. The reason for his reputation is the jewel that he married! This proverb is in the middle of a queen mother's description of the perfect wife for her son (31:10-31). Arrogant, lazy, or rebellious women resent these character traits, because they are exposed as failures. Wise women remember that God and a mother wrote them!
A man can only be great with a great wife. It has been said, "Behind every great man, there is a great woman." This woman can be his mother (1:8; 4:3; 6:20; 31:1-3). But it is also his wife (12:4; 18:22; 19:14; 31:10,28). King Lemuel's mother knew her son needed a special woman to be an honored and successful king. She could save him domestically, emotionally, financially, mentally, morally, sexually, and socially (5:15-20; 31:10-31).
A nagging wife drives a husband crazy: she breaks his heart, crushes his spirit, and steals his courage: he has an enemy in his own home and bed (12:4; 19:13; 21:9,19; 25:24). A lazy wife that putters around the house and limits herself to maid duty destroys his estate (14:1; Eccl 10:18). A sexually selfish wife drives him to frustration and adultery (5:19-20; 31:3; I Cor 7:1-5). A woman that tries to be the spiritual leader corrupts his doctrine and steals the office God gave him (Gen 3:16; I Cor 14:34-35; II Tim 3:6-7; I Pet 3:7).
A bad wife can ruin above-average men, who otherwise might have been great. Average men can be enhanced by a great wife, or reduced to nothing by an odious woman. A good woman can even shelter and assist a below-average man to amount to something by filling her role well. Woman! What effect have you had on the abilities and reputation of your husband? What are you planning to do to make your husband greater in the future?
How much of Ahab's wickedness did Jezebel cause (I Kgs 21:25)? What do you esteem about Boaz? He married Ruth! How great could Samson have been, if he had obeyed his parents and married a good Israelite girl (Judges 14:3)? How bad was Nabal's sin for wasting one of the greatest women ever (I Sam 25:2-3)? How blessed was David for marrying this woman after God killed Nabal (I Sam 25:32-42)?
The traits that build up a husband are those of the virtuous woman (31:10-31). The context provides all the suggestions for godly women that want to obey God. If a woman were to keep these inspired rules for greatness, her husband would be honored for marrying her; and he and his children would bless and praise her (31:28). He would direct more money her way, and he would publicly acknowledge her accomplishments (31:31).
He can always trust her, whether with men or money (31:10-12). She is very creative and diligent to make sure the household is well cared for (31:13-15,21,27). She does anything to build the estate, including outside jobs and investments (31:16-19,24-25). She eagerly helps those in need (31:20). Her speech is always kind and wise (31:26). She keeps her body and appearance up to please him (31:22; Song 1:2; 2:3-7; 3:1; 5:9-16; 8:1-4).
What drives and motivates a woman to be this perfect wife? Her fear of the Lord (31:29-30)! Her love for God and desire to obey the Bible makes her this delightful creature that is always honored (11:16). Other men respect her husband, because they know he has a better life than they, due to the woman he married. Men know who has the best wife!
Woman! How do others measure your husband? Do they pity him, because you are a nag? Because you never accomplish more than a nanny, maid, or cook? Do they despise him, because you try to be the spiritual leader and cannot keep your place? Or do they know that he was favored by God to find you, and that he is the happiest and most successful married man they know? This is God's measure for you to consider well.
Young man! How do you measure prospects? Does beauty control you? Do favors win you? Both are dangerous and deceitful (31:30). You will never amount to your potential, unless you marry the woman that fears God the most. She will build your mind, comfort your heart, satisfy your soul, guard your walk, please your body, prosper your estate, and give you godly children. Why will you destroy yourself by marrying anything less?
If you are a Christian, you are the bride of Christ. What honor do you bring Him? Is there praise for your devotion, love, obedience, and service? Or is there pity and anger that you have wasted His grace in marrying you? Your church is also Christ's bride. Does it diligently follow the Bible to honor Him, or has it chosen contemporary worship instead?
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