Proverbs 27:2
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Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips.
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Do not talk about yourself. Do not talk about your job, your family, your car, or anything that is yours. Think and talk about others and their things. Ask questions about the welfare of others, rather than telling your situation, difficulties, abilities, or blessings. As too much honey will make you sick, self-promotion is also sickening (25:27).
Here is a key difference between gracious and odious people. An odious woman is a master at slipping in her opinions, experiences, expertise, and her insightful wisdom. But a gracious woman never talks about herself. She is always inquiring sincerely about the welfare of others. It is the Lord's praise that counts, not your own (II Cor 10:18).
Odious people are disappointed if you do not praise them enough, ask enough questions about them, and listen intently for them to tell you about their life. But gracious persons, neglecting themselves, are always commending others, pursuing them, and praising them.
Paul simply put it this way, "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others" (Phil 2:3-4).
Love is defined perfectly in I Cor 13:4-7, where fifteen glorious phrases define charity. These four phrases relate to our proverb: "vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, and seeketh not her own." Vaunting yourself is boasting; being puffed up is conceited thinking; not behaving unseemly is gracious and courteous conduct; and seeking not your own is being more interested in the things of others.
Self-praise, or boasting, is only justified in extreme situations of defending an office or the Lord and His gospel. Samuel justified himself before Israel to condemn them for seeking a king (I Sam 12:1-5), and Paul boasted to Corinth to defend his apostolic office (II Cor 11:10-12; 12:11). But Job was very wrong, for he had no need for it (Job 32:1-2).
A good name is a noble goal, if done for the right motives (22:1). But self-promotion is despicable and brings shame. Safety from this sin requires you to measure yourself by the standards and habits of others. Just because you think you are not a self-promoter has nothing to do with it, if others think you are! And especially if the Lord thinks you are!
Deserving the praise of men is one thing, but trying to get it by praising yourself is disgusting. Timothy and Demetrius had great reputations, and they deserved to be praised (II Cor 8:18; II Tim 1:12). But one mark these men had, you can be sure, was a total lack of self-promotion. We should desire such noble reputations, but the only righteous way to obtain the praise of others is to earn it. If men are not praising you, there is a reason!
Avoid "back door compliments," which are done by weak attempts to credit the Lord for your abilities or accomplishments. The focus is more on you than on the Lord. Athletes are famous for this one. The bottom line is indirect self-praise, which is neither pleasing to the Lord nor encouraging to men.
Reader, do you talk too much about yourself? Are you gracious or odious? How can you tell? Easy! How much do others want to be around you? How many friends do you have? Is your company sought or avoided? This barometer is painful, but it is always accurate.
Parent, teach your child the wisdom and virtue of not talking about themselves. Teach them the grace of inquiring about others as much as possible. You will do more for their success before God and men than pursuing the top score in any academic course.
The Lord Jesus would not raise his voice in the streets, and He never sought for others to praise Him (Matt 8:4; 12:19; 16:20). Though He were the Son of God, He gave us an example to follow. His life was totally dedicated to the service of God and man, which is what should control our own speech at all times. Lord, help us.
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