Proverbs 25:17
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Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour's house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee.
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Common courtesy is not as common as we wish! But it should be for Christians, who must be without offence to all men, especially other saints (I Cor 10:32). Our nation has two versions of this proverb, one negative and one positive. We say, "familiarity breeds contempt," to warn against excessive time with friends; and we say, "absence makes the heart grow fonder," to point out the value of space for friends. But do you practice them?
It is easy to overstay a visit, visit too frequently, call too often, talk too long, or email too often. These intrusions can be a burden and lead to resentment and hatred. What you would never do to a stranger, you might easily do to a friend. Examine yourself harshly, dear reader. Are you ever guilty of these offences? Our proverb is a word to the wise.
The Scriptures surely make us wise unto salvation (II Tim 3:15), but they also teach us wonderful practical wisdom. Here is precious advice to help us grow in favor with men, as did our Lord Jesus (Luke 2:52). Instead of worrying about who discovered Bolivia in school, there should be a class on social ethics and practical wisdom from Proverbs. But this book from the finger of God is the treasure of His saints. Learn it, and rejoice!
The wisdom in these few words equals Solomon's solution of dividing a baby in two (I Kings 3:25)! What great advice in plain words! The fool thinks his frequent calls and many words are friendship, but wonders why he has few friends. Here is an answer! The effeminate man mumbles through life with vague generalities, but Solomon calls the offence a weariness and a legitimate cause of hatred! Love this book and this proverb!
Ease of transportation and communication make this proverb more needful than ever. A three-mile walk to your neighbor's farm discouraged excessive visitation. But with cars, phones, email, and more leisure time, limiting factors have been removed. Today, people in their cars with a cell phone assume everyone else is waiting to hear from them!
Ah, dear reader, do not deceive yourself. You are no exception to this rule, though your heart thinks so. Your calls and visits are no more precious than those of others, and to grasp this firmly is to save yourself from hatred! And you will increase your friends! Be wise and err on the side of restraint, rather than run the risk of incurring their contempt!
Consider! Is there greater pain than to invite guests for supper and have them stay too late without regard for your need to clean up and get an early start the next day? What can you do as a guest? Simply suggest you should leave while the night is young, and let your host dictate how long you stay. If they agree with your request, leave and know you are wise. If they beg you to stay, do so and graciously try it again an hour later!
True friends remember that time is precious. They are very conscious of possible time constraints on the other party. Just because you are bored with nothing to do does not mean everyone else is sitting around waiting for the phone to ring! Wisdom requires you to maintain great consciousness of others and their time limitations. Do not presume!
True friends keep a sense of urgency. Life is short, and there are never enough hours in a day. To get everything done we should get done takes a sense of urgency. A five-minute phone call once a week is a precious reminder of friendship. An hour phone call twice a week is a burden no man can bear graciously. Keep the conversation moving, and get off the line quickly. Be a true friend, and preserve your friends' love for the future!
Two are better than one, and friendship is a great blessing. Hearty counsel from a friend rejoices the heart like ointment and perfume; and friends should be preserved with great care (27:9-10). And our proverb neither constrains nor minimizes such friendship, but rather perfects and protects it! Here is no condemnation of warm and friendly discourse, but the abuse of time by presumptuous and unconscious friends!
If you are filled with the urge to communicate, get down on your knees and pray. The LORD has a multi-tasking switchboard open just for you, but your mere mortal friends do not! And walking and talking with the LORD will do you much more good as well.
There is no need for caution or reserve in coming boldly to the throne of grace, for He ever lives as your High Priest. He requests your importunity! And though you may not raise your friend from his bed, you can bring the Power of Heaven to your disposal! He is never weary of your coming, and He will draw ever closer to you with much coming! There is no better time than now to approach His seat, for He neither slumbers nor sleeps. Go to your eternal Friend always, dear reader, and there be comforted forever.
Friendliness includes visits and communication. But too much of either can be a burden and spoil friendships, like too much honey can make you vomit (25:16). Excess will lead to contempt and hatred, so Solomon urges temperance and moderation even with friends.
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