Proverbs 25:9
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Debate thy cause with thy neighbour himself; and discover not a secret to another:
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Private and personal matters should stay private and personal. If you have an issue with a person, take care of it with them. No one else needs to know, and telling anyone else about it becomes the sins of backbiting, whispering, and talebearing. Not only should you keep this rule of wisdom yourself, you should strictly help others keep it also (25:23).
Here is rich wisdom. Here is plain condemnation of a very popular sin. Most men and women are so selfish and hateful, that they would rather broadcast their controversies with others, rather than deal with them in direct kindness. Much of the dissension and strife among men is caused by the frequent violation of this simple proverb (26:20).
Exposing private information about a person is to rape their reputation. It is a serious offence. It is summarized in the Ten Commandments by the sixth article, "Thou shalt not kill," for any hateful activity toward another breaks this law (Matt 5:21-22). Only foolish or wicked people have no regard for the character or reputations of others.
The quantity and severity of warnings against this sin in the Bible prove how much God hates it. It is addressed in both testaments numerous times (Lev 19:16; Ps 15:3; Rom 1:29-30). And Solomon frequently condemned it in these Proverbs (11:13; 20:19; 26:22).
There are two kinds of causes with your neighbor. Either they have offended you by an action of theirs, or you have offended them by an action of yours. In either case, the rule is the same: settle the matter directly with them. Do not spread any knowledge of the issue to anyone else. Both kindness and wisdom will keep the matter secret between you.
Jesus expanded this proverb beautifully. He taught very clearly your course of action when someone has offended you. He said, "Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother" (Matt 18:15). Note His careful wording that keeps the matter private.
He also taught very clearly your course of action when you have offended someone. He said, "Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift" (Matt 5:23-24).
If you do not have the glory to overlook the personal offences of others (19:11), at least show a little righteousness by keeping their offences between you and them (17:9).
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