Proverbs 17:14
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The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.
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It takes two to fight. Either party can avoid or end a fight by letting the matter go. For once a fight has two combatants, it will get much worse. If an opening is made in an earthen dam or dike, water does not settle for a small stream, but quickly eats away the opening and violently escapes in a flood. In the same way, strife will grow quickly.
Wisdom demands we withdraw at the first sign of conflict. If we stay and trade facial expressions, words, or blows, a small confrontation can quickly escalate into a major fight. One foolish retort is followed by an angry demand, which generates a spiteful contradiction, leading to a hasty accusation; and soon both parties are foolishly flailing at each other with words or blows. Such conduct is neither wise nor Christian! It is easy to see the beginning of strife, but who can see and calculate the damage in the end?
In Solomon's day, water was held and directed by the use of levees, dikes, dams, ditches, and aqueducts (II Chr 32:1-4,30; Is 22:9-11). Much of Israel was dry; being an agrarian society, they depended on water. It was common knowledge that a slight opening in a dam or levee would quickly open wider by the power of the water itself, which would violently become a flood, very difficult to reduce or stop. A dam is much more easily preserved than it is repaired! To keep them intact, even minor breaches must be avoided.
Strife and contention grow the very same way - quickly and violently - into major battles. As soon as you sense anger rising or a conflict developing, get away and do not meddle any further with the person or the matter! As some say, "Just let it go." Do not let the fight even get started! Do not answer "fighting words" with other strong words. Do not reply to strife, unless you respond with a soft and conciliatory answer to appease the party and end the contention.
If spouses would learn this rule, there would be no marital quarrels. If church members learned this rule, divisions in the congregation would end. If siblings learned it, we might rightly see the phenomenon the Bible calls "brotherly love" and "brotherly kindness"! Peace could reign with just a little wise consideration of water escaping an earthen dam! Here is the wisdom for each man to be a peacemaker, whom Jesus blessed (Matt 5:9).
Wise men, in glory and honor, defer anger and pass over offences (19:11; 20:3), but a fool will stay meddling (20:3). Righteous men know pride keeps strife going (13:10; 21:24; 28:25); they know wisdom does not let anger grow quickly (14:29; 16:32; 25:8; Eccl 7:8-9). Contentious men are like adding gasoline to a fire (15:18; 26:21; 29:22); so scorners should be cast out (22:10; Gen 21:9-10). But peace lovers will use soft answers and turn away wrath (15:1). Christian charity demands slow provocation (I Cor 13:4-7).
David said, "They also that seek after my life lay snares for me: and they that seek my hurt speak mischievous things, and imagine deceits all the day long. But I, as a deaf man, heard not; and I was as a dumb man that openeth not his mouth. Thus I was as a man that heareth not, and in whose mouth are no reproofs" (Ps 38:12-14). Perfect, holy wisdom!
Abraham graciously solved a dispute over land with Lot by letting him choose (Gen 13:8-9). And Gideon solved another difficult situation by gloriously appeasing the men of Ephraim (Judges 8:1-3). But Jephthah's lack of wisdom cost many lives (Judges 12:1-6).
In the New Testament, two occasions for strife were peacefully ended by the appointment of deacons and the council at Jerusalem (Acts 6:1-7; 15:1-31). But Paul and Barnabas separated company because they could not settle the sharp contention between them (Acts 15:36-41). Though weak brethren are allowed in churches, they are not allowed to bring their doubtful disputations with them (Rom 14:1).
Our Lord taught us to turn the other cheek when hit by another, which perfectly fulfills and expands the wisdom of our proverb (Matt 5:38-42). And Paul applied His lesson by teaching us to live peaceably with all men (Rom 12:18). Even ministers are to reject foolish and unlearned questions to avoid strife (I Tim 1:4; 6:3-5; II Tim 2:14-16,23; Tit 3:9), for envy and strife are from hell and have no part in a Christian's life (Jas 3:14-18).
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